There's no such thing as a benign Post-It

Instead of "Thanx," I'm going to start signing things, "Hugz!"

This note appeared the day Older Sister (OS) left for the weekend. This note means she had to check the weather for days she would not be Chicago in order to create a task for me to do in her absence. 

Granted, I didn't even know we had flowers until I saw this note, but OS clearly over-prepared for her vacation as a whole. As evidenced by the conversation I wandered into the day before:

Younger Sister (YS), reading aloud from her computer: A bear will sense any food. Even a stick of gum will attract a bear and encourage it to attack! You should carry Bear Mace in order to protect yourself.

Older Sister (OS) furiously scribbles the words "Bear Mace" on paper.

OS: Wait, which Bear Mace do I buy?

Me, trying to remember if anything escaped the zoo recently: Did someone see a bear? 

OS: Oh no, I'm going to Glacier National Park next week.

Me: Oh, fun! Camping?

OS: No. But we might go hiking.

Me: Like backwoods?

OS: No, like on a guided tour. 

So she bought Bear Mace. To go hiking with a guide in a national park. 

No wonder she told me to water the flowers. I'm surprised there wasn't a Post-It reminding me to wear clothes. Or breathe. 

Except then I forgot to pay the rent...

Home maintenance in three parts, Part 3

An entire note comprised of sentence fragments with punctuation? Talent.

I had two reactions to this note:

1. Why didn't anyone ask me to help clean the basement since the leak ruined my stuff?

2. How often do most people clean the fridge? 

In regards to the first question, I had this conversation with the Younger Sister (YS):

Me: I had no idea the leak was that bad! I would have helped clean...

YS: Oh, no problem. It's happened before. That pipe is just really old. 

Me: Oh...
YS: We tried to save most of your stuff...it's drying downstairs. But we had to throw some of it out, like all the paper stuff.
Me: Um, ok.

To be fair, most of the stuff downstairs is down there because I don't actually need it. And throwing out wrapping paper that I've carted with me from my last three apartments is probably a good thing.

I'm more concerned with when I asked to put the file box of tax records in the basement, I was directed to place it in the corner with a history of flooding sewage.

I'm also still unclear as to why the note seems to evoke feelings of guilt when clearly none of this was my fault.

Other things I'm unclear on include the second question. Because washing the shelves of the fridge once a month seems excessive to me.

Then again, you can't make much of a mess when you only have a container of butter on your tiny shelf. 

Home maintenance in three parts, Part 2

What might this note have said if it started with its original "I?"

After the sisters ran the dishwasher, the leak got worse. A pipe burst and gushed water over everything stored below the stairs. 

My stuff is stored below the stairs. 

The first note was to deter us from using the sink in order to keep the water at bay. Over the course of five hours, nine dishes appeared in the sink that Norm and I avoided washing. 

This note appeared shortly thereafter. 

In case I need to barter, my belongings are worth exactly nine dirty dishes.

Home maintenance in three parts, Part 1

Translation: Free from chores!

Last weekend we had a huge storm for seven minutes. It may have been longer than seven minutes, but that is the amount of time that I remember, since it happened in the middle of the night. What sounded like a squirrel scrambling inside a plastic bag woke me up for long enough to figure out that the window in my room was leaking. I stayed awake long enough to put towels down and promptly passed out. 

I did not write a Post-It. Mainly because my room is filled with non-recycled trash and sweaty yoga clothes and I'm afraid of drawing undue attention to my mess. 

But also because I didn't even think of it. I have conversations in person instead of over small pieces of sticky paper. In fact, the next morning, I told Norm about the leak in person. She told me there was a leak in the basement as well. I heard her tell one of the sisters about it too. 

At this point 3 of the 4 roommates were informed of the leak in the basement. And yet this note appeared an hour later. 

And the fourth roommate actually wrote the note. 

Clearly nothing can be certifiably true at the Asylum unless it's stuck to the fridge. 

Chalkboard vs. Post-It

A blank slate. Literally. 

Who would win in a cage-match of notes, a Post-It or a chalkboard? I vote chalkboard, hands down. 

And yet, in much the same way that paper inexplicably and erroneously beats rock, the chalkboard at the Asylum remains empty and unused while Post-Its fly wild around the house. 

I do not understand this. Which is probably also why, in a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, I always throw rock. 

What can you make with vinegar and eggs?

Four girls, 7,000 lbs of food.

This is the Asylum fridge. Guess which shelf is mine.

I'll give you 4.3 seconds. 

It's this one:

Yes, my diet consists of Greek yogurt, balsamic vinegar, butter and eggs. Don't judge me.

I'll give you another 4.3 seconds to scroll back to the top and look at this again. 

(In case you can't see my shelf in the large-scale picture, it's the one glowing from lack of things. Also, it's the smallest.) My only things in the fridge are found on this shelf. If I buy something taller than vinegar, I have to lay it on its side. 

If I don't, I'll find it on its side on my shelf the next time I use the fridge anyway. 

In somewhat related news, I've been eating a lot of trail mix. 

Smiley faces are not Band-Aids

Take turns, children. Even when nothing belongs to you. 

Thank GOD I found this bright yellow Post-It reminding me that this past weekend was cleaning weekend. 

I mean, even though we have a typed schedule with names assigned to rooms and dates next to the intended completion...and even though when we finish cleaning we mark it off in red marker...and even though it's been exactly 24 hrs. since the intended completion deadline...I totally could have missed cleaning the unused guest bathroom until at least Thursday. Or until it was actually dirty. 

Thanks to you, double-exclamation-point-turned-into-a-bunny-face, I did not forget. 

But you can't make me do anything about it.